This comes straight from the “mini-book” we wrote documenting our story over 5 years ago (forgive the length!). February 15th was a super special day in 2008!
“Jeremy and I are expecting our third child on October 24. We say three because we have not and will not forget the one waiting for us in Heaven. Admittedly, I struggled deeply with losing that baby. With Jeremy and Stephen demanding so much of my emotions in the hospital, I had not had a chance to full comprehend and deal with the miscarriage we had experienced. Often (and expectedly) people were so curious about how the three of us were doing that the baby got forgotten. In my soul, though, I was hurting.
At my last follow-up with the ob-gyn, my blood level finally showed zero. I had gone for one check-up while at the Ronald McDonald House and another after we came home. Each time my hormone level was still a little elevated, and they discussed doing a D&C. We all prayed things would go back to normal, so this additional procedure could be avoided. Each time I visited this doctor, I ached. The waiting room was always filled with expecting mothers. Here I sat in a wheelchair. I was always felt like all eyes were on me, while I tried to keep a smile. At this visit, I felt so much relief yet so much pain. Jeremy had not been able to go; we were obviously still weak and healing. When my Aunt Brenda and I returned home, she pushed me in our bedroom. Per my request, she shut the door, and for the first time, I sobbed for the child I longed to hold. Was I grateful to still have Jeremy and Stephen? Of course, but I realized we had lost something.
For months and months, I continued to heal. I would see other pregnant women and feel jealously rising to my throat. When babies were due close to our baby’s due date, I would hurt even more. Finally, it was time for me to deal with this. Jeremy and Stephen were better, and in my quiet time, I began to read books on dealing with a miscarriage.
Through these quiet moments, prayer, and the working of the Holy Spirit, I have slowly healed. I realize that one day I will hold this child again. I understand that he or she is right now experiencing more joy than Jeremy and I could have ever given. Each day, I long for Heaven a little more.
Before we could try to get pregnant again, three different doctors had to give us their approval: my ob-gyn due to the miscarriage, my internal doctor due to the torn intestine, and my orthopedic doctor due to the increased weight that would be put on my healing bones. Finally, we got three yeses and the anticipation began.
Both Stephen and our Heaven baby were conceived in three months. We were expecting the same for our next child. After one month, I was late. Jeremy and I could only dream that we were pregnant this fast. We took a pregnancy test and were disappointed when the “not pregnant” flashed on the screen. For a little over three months, we got the same results. I couldn’t understand God’s purpose in making us wait. We had endured so much “for Him.” Surely, He wanted to give us another child.
In fear, Jeremy and I scheduled another appointment with my ob-gyn. I imagined that something with my internal injuries was affecting our ability to conceive. The doctor assured us that every thing looked okay but that due to the physical and emotional stress my body had endured, it may take awhile.
On February 15, the day after Valentine’s Day, Jeremy and I saw that positive sign we had been waiting for. To say we were excited is an understatement! As I write this, our unborn child is kicking my belly like crazy. He is already a special member of our family, and Stephen is excited about this new addition. We recently found out it is another boy. Stephen will have fun with his little brother. Our due date is October 24. Jeremy and I are praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby. The Lord has been faithful. His timing, though often slower than our human minds would like, is always perfect.”
And he came—Caleb Joshua Pollard, who is now 4, was born on October 28, 2008.
Happy Day After Valentine’s!!!!