For the Restless and Unsettled…

It’s midnight right now. I’m tucked away in the closet, trying to ignore the pile of dirty clothes in the floor, stacked up shoes, and trash bag full of “Goodwill stuff.”

The week ahead is busy. Crazy. I’ve said yes a lot lately. To good things. Things I’m honestly so, so excited about.

But I’m easily overwhelmed. Then restless. Then unsettled. And then…well…up at midnight, hidden in the closet, with fingernails chewed to the quick.

I know busyness doesn’t equate holiness. And I know everything that comes from Heaven doesn’t have my name on it.

And I am sure so many of you live lives much, much busier than I could every dream. Bless. Your. Heart.

But somehow there’s peace in knowing none of us are alone. My friend on the other side of the world just texted me. It’s noon there. She said she’s restless.

Wait. Me too. That’s why I’m up…responding to your text.

And I sent this verse to her. And here it is for you this Monday morning.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (II Corinthians 12:9,10)

There aren’t “insults, hardships, persecutions, or calamities” written on my calendar for the week. (Please, Lord, keep them away.) But in a bright red marker, there’s the word GRACE.

And it will be sufficient…For my midnights, Mondays, and eternity.

Because “It is finished.”

Grace…then and now…for all of us…the unsettled…today.






Being Busy…

“I just want to get through it,” he sighed after reading an article about Stonewall Jackson. I reprimanded him. “That’s not the point of school. You are reading to learn.”

But I’ve said it myself lately. Some days are long.

Later Kenan and I watched them sledding. And I thought…

To slow down means to cease being productive. To be all here is to do nothing.

When they’re occupied I want to be busy. It feels like I need to be. It’s a continual rush from this thing to the next without fully entering into the now.

And the now will be gone…well, it already is.

It’s a busy world. Everything pulls for my attention. And these little people are growing up around me. They’re learning to walk and read and talk. God, help me not to miss it.

And it makes sense with this…

If the cross shows me His love. And His Word tells me He’s only good. Then isn’t this moment, no matter how simple or how hard, His very best for me? Am I dishonoring Him by not entering into it? Am I becoming ungrateful?

Today. Again. I want to be all here. All loved. All just so thankful for all this amazing grace.

Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” (James 4:13,14)

Did I say it was busy?=)




“You’re just always so busy”

It was raining as Stephen and I drove to Durham for Kenan’s 1 month check-up. He chose to ride along while the others stayed home. We talked about simple stuff…soccer season, school, brothers, Esther. Then he said something that made me stop, “You’re just always so busy.”

He wasn’t being cruel. I can’t even remember how the conversation went that direction. But he spoke his heart, so I listened.

Yes, I’m busy. There are bottles and diapers and school and…and…and. Will it ever stop?

My oldest is getting, well, old. I dread the day Jeremy and I become “uncool.” Even now I sometimes find myself struggling to enter his world. He’s growing up, and as our first, I’m just not sure how all this works.

So I choose again to stop. To do what needs to be done but to avoid being “so busy.” I can sit and watch him play video games a little each day. I can take the time to listen to a story he wants to share. I can if I will, and everything else must wait.

Life is busy. Time is short. They are all growing. What am I going to do about it?

“As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.” (Psalm 103:15-16)

photo 2 (18)

photo 1 (19) Word search with his Great Grandma

Slow Life…Busy Soul

Life isn’t quite as busy for us. Yes, Christmas cards, Christmas trees, Christmas parties…they are filling my days. But overall, life is simpler. No diapers, no cribs, no afternoon naps. Slow.

My soul, however, is busy. Busy worrying about sick kids. Busy fighting hopelessness over the adoption. Busy asking God the same questions over and over. Busy

I’ve been re-evaluating my time. Considering where I’m investing my minutes and energy. Asking God so show me where I’ve said yes when I should have said no.

Because while this season of parenting has slowed, this season of my soul is busy.

I’ve tried to ignore it. Act like I’m not wrestling with God. Act like my time with Him is peachy. But most days, it’s not. It’s a battle. And some days I think I’m losing.

So I’m cutting back. Accepting that a busy soul season means I need more time to be still. More time to listen. More time to let Him lead.

Psalm 23:1-3-“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”

Isaiah 40:11-“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.”




It’s Monday…Too Busy to Be Still

That time of year. The one where my calendar looks like jibberish. Our nightly schedule last week…

Wednesday-double soccer practices
Thursday-small group
Friday-Family Worship Night

Crazy! And we aren’t even in “real school.”

That time of year when I finally sit down at 9:00 only to look across the living room and see this…

Blessed mess…where did all those clothes come from?

I want to live fully. I want to breathe deeply. But this schedule. All these start-ups of new things, good things. They are wearing me out. Wearing me down.

So today-the beginning of a new week no different than the last. I have a choice.

A choice to see Him in the busyness. To look up not around. To say no so I can say yes. To see grace not responsibility. To be be still…even when it’s not written in my calendar.

That time of year when I’m desperate for Him.